Happy and breathing.

There are times when everything will seem to go in an opposite direction to how you want it to be. There will be people who will seem as though they're trying to make everything difficult. But, maybe I'm just over thinking this. Maybe I have too many doubts. I don't know but whatever it is, I'm okay with it. Because somewhere down the line everything will be fine. Not because I will make it okay but because like all good things come to an end so do all the bad. It might be cliched to say that nothing lasts forever but really it doesn't. At least till now nothing in my life has lasted as long as 18 years (that's how long my forever is ).

Honestly, I'm just really tired of pretending as though everything is fine when a lot of times it isn't. There will never be a time when everything is perfect and i just realised I'm being very highly pessimistic. I'm not always like this. in fact once, when I didn't even know what it meant, someone told me I'm very optimistic.
Well, the truth is I can't write anything right now because anything I say would be a lie because things aren't that good right now but I will convince myself through you thats life is perfect. Its been a while since I put a post here so I just thought that I should let you know happy and breathing.

P.S. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Judgement

I don't have any views on politics, social evils, sports, movies...nothing. And, it's not because I don't know anything, (how hard is it to find out) but it's because I never believed that my say mattered. But, lately I have been thinking otherwise. I started college around six months back and I have barely written ever since. I can't think of a reason but my mind will probably blame it on lack of time...it's not true. I have time, a lot of it but the point is I don't know what to write. Life's been sailing smoothly lately and at the back of my head I'm just waiting for the explosion that's ruins everything. It's taking too long this time. Maybe it's not going to come this once. (My thoughts are never connected, I just realised while re-reading the above). I don't know if I'm trying to justify the lack of blog posts or telling you that things are about to go wrong or that life is good. Just understand it all please.
   I know my blog posts are barely connected and that things could be way better but somehow I never know what to write about. And when I do start writing I can never tell what it really is that I'm writing about. I can write post after post about how I don't know what to write. Although, to tell you the truth, I'm scared to really write what I want to write about. I'm scared that people will judge me, that they will talk and say things that I probably won't get to listen to. And yet, here I am, afraid of judgement.
  Let's hope I get over this soon so that I can finally move forward to say what it is that I really feel.

Experiences

There are times in life when even experience can't help you. It's not like the experienced have life easy. No one does. I always thought that even if not real life, first-hand experiences then maybe what others went through would prove to be helpful. But, you know what? It doesn't matter. Nothing does.
 What matters is what you're living right at this moment, because sometimes, in some situations, nothings works but a beating organ. There is nothing that works then, your experiences, their experiences...but then again does anything need to work? I know what you're thinking-"The topic says experiences but there's nothing about that in here". I agree that's what it seems like, but look closely, read again.This post is about experiences. It's about someone who thought she knew what to do because she believed that experiences would never let her feel like this again, but this isn't the same. This is more than that, this is my story. My story about a feeling I honestly cant express no matter how hard I try. Its like feeling every emotion in a breath. Its like dying and living every second, its more than what any experience could have taught. It's life.

Through the mirror.

Today when I was in the car I looked out and saw everything that was outside and it seemed completely normal. And then I looked out again, this time through the rear view mirror and I'm not joking when I say, it was so beautiful I couldn't stop looking. Don't tell me the scene changed and all that. India traffic, nothing changed.

So, all this got me thinking that why was it so much better through a mirror? Well because a mirror shields us and it keeps away the bad things. Say, I keep you in a glass case and things around you seem okay even when they're really bad. Why? Because the glass shields you just like the glass of a mirror. I might not make much sense or be able to prove it much but that's how it is to me. There are a lot of times when I wish I could see my whole life through a mirror because it gets so bad sometimes. But then I think that the day the mirror breaks everything will come at me at once and then I'll be trapped. So what we need isn't a mirror but a path, a path to lead us to the place we want to be in. A place where we'll never feel the need of a mirror, a glass, a shield, nothing,just us. I want to do so many things say do much but I stop because I don't want to have to deal with the circumstances, because I've never had a shield. Things did change in between I started doing everything I wanted to because one person believed in me. He made me believe that I was perfect the way I was, it might have been wrong because everyone has flaws but it boosted my confidence for a long time to come. Even today I can look back at those times and be grateful because to change a person for the good is harder that to change them for the bad. I'm glad it happened. I'm glad there wasn't a shield or else things would have never been so beautiful. Thank you.

Who we pick is...who WE are?

The title seems all philosophical right? Well, the post is not. It's an extended thought process of mine. So, a lot of people I know feel like they're a certain fictional character or would like to be one. They have a choice. Their reasons are all different. Some like the physique, some like the personality and some like both. What I was thinking is that do the characters we pick describe us in a way. I mean, say for someone who picked Batman, do they like to be the ones who save others, have they gone through something like Batman did, do the like his physique? What is it? It can't be nothing. Or maybe someone who wants to be,say an uncommon choice like, Agnes from Despicable Me? Do they find her cute or do they connect with her personality, because no matter how old you are trust is trust ( a major part of her character). Or am I overthinking this? It may just be a choice like any other. But then again, every choice has a reason. My apologies for being so confused and confusing you too. But I'm really curious. Think about a fictional character you would like to be and why? Then think if their characteristics match yours. I'm not sure if mine did ( in case you're curious I want to be Agnes). I'm sure something is common between us and our choice there has to be. So I believe, in the end, that the character we want to be describes us to an extent. (I hope I'm right because Agnes is pretty cute you know). 

  This extended thought process has been in my head since forever. Not really but a week at least. It's actually because I've had a long conversation with someone who believes that he is Batman and made me believe that I'm Agnes. Maybe we can see everyone as a fictional character. Then we might know what we think of them. If we're honest in our choices that is. But, think about it if u get 5 seconds to pick one character that best describes your friend then whom will you choose and will they match?  Give it a thought, fictional characters might be useful in reality now. Even if I am wrong it's a fun thing to guess fictional characters similar to people we know. So don't go away from this and say "what the hell was that?". 

New beginning

So, I wrote my first post and it was passed off by many as okay. That got me thinking that maybe this should be more about me and not what people should feel and what they should do. Honestly, this is my second blog...I lost the password to the first thus the "new beginning". So, I'm not someone who writes much about anything but myself, not in a self-centred kind of way but I feel like everyone can tell their story the best. Well, there isn't much to my life yet I have 5 best friends, lots of friends and a good family and all that same old nonsense. Only thing that's different is how I feel. To make this more interesting ( for the one who thought it needed to be) I feel a lot but I put it all down with "yeah, whatever". Ya, so the next time I say that just know I'm feeling it. I'm not someone who says congratulations or even happy birthday for that matter (true story) but that's only because I might not have the right kind of excitement for the occasion. My friends are all used to it but that's the thing, schools over and things are about to change. New place and things so I don't know if I want to change anything about me. I thought I did want to change something but I went through my yearbook and I smiled every time I  read the lines-you gave me the reality check I needed. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad but that's how I am. No, I'm not that rude girl who makes fun of everyone, I appreciate their achievements and share their sorrows, but I also try to make sure that their feet are on the ground. (Not giving myself credit for everyone being down to earth). I don't know what I'm trying to say I'm much too sleepy and not in the mood to write about "life changing experiences". I just hope that this gets passed off as better than just okay because a friend of mine told me I can do better. (Hey friend). Okay, so this ain't that good either but it's longer now right? (Ya I'm asking you). Fulfilling wishes...that's me. Oh also I have a wish that one day hopefully someone would fulfil too. It's small but it might be hard...I'll tell you some other day. (Matter for my next post). So, more about me.

1. I have hidden dreams and wishes.

2. I'm often referred to as a "kid".

3. I trust easily.

4. I break even more easily.

5. I ACT strong (I'm a good actor when it comes to that)

(That's a lot of "I")

Okay, so I guess that's about it. 

Now that you know me more you'll understand why I write what I do and the way that I do. 

Believe

Believe. In yourself. Their will be a lot of times when you feel like nothing could go right and that no matter what you do everything and everyone will go out of their way to just make thing pathetic for you. And that's when you need to realise that self-belief is one thing that can get you through the worst instances in life. No, it's not easy, it never will be but it's something we all need. I might be acting all smart writing about it but I have very little of it myself and there have been times when it's taken me ages trying to accept the fact that things move on and that people change, times change. Today is also one of the days when I've finally understood that I'm not wrong and that the other person isn't either and that it was just meant to be. It takes a lot of time to believe in yourself truly and that needs patience. So, belief and patience and almost go together for me.

      I don't have a beautiful ending to make this all inspirational and all that but I really do hope each one of you can believe in yourself because in the end you're all that matters and nobody and nothing should be able to put you down. Ever.