Still stuck at the first word.

I've always been the shy girl who talks only when spoken to, until and unless I've known you a few years, then I might open up. Since I was in a boarding school I didn't have a choice and had to get out of my shell. When I graduated from school I decided that things would be different, that I wouldn't be shy anymore, that I would be the one to start a conversation rather than be a mere onlooker. 

So college began and well, nothing changed. I still talk only when talked to and I prefer to be unseen if I  can help it. It’s not like I didn't try, I did but you know how you suddenly bring about a change and people either accept it or they notice it in a way that makes you feel conscious. I don't understand why? Don't they talk? Don't they try to put forth their ideas? It isn't fair that they say what they want and are appreciated for it while we, the shy ones, need to be the deal with people staring and wondering how we managed to open our mouth in the first place.

I don’t know if anyone else feels like this, and I know nothing I'm saying is giving them the courage to speak out. But, I'm really curious as to why people will be behind our lives to speak out and then when we finally do, they behave as though world peace has been declared. Ninety percent of the reason that I'm still shy is that honestly, I don't want to be noticed and when I realise that generally taking won’t get me that noticed and I start opening up people behave as though I'm something more than human who just learnt the English language. I didn’t just learn it, I've known it since long. I might have ideas, I might not. But, I don't know when we’ll ever know for sure. I don't know when they will appreciate our ideas more than the fact that we started talking. I’m 19 years old and I think my first words were clapped at a long time ago. I don't need that, I need someone to think about what I said, not that I said something.I’m not blaming this on people, I don't mean to say that they are the reason that I'm still that shy girl. But it wouldn't hurt if I got a little encouragement, it really wouldn’t.

Memories make up lives.

I tried and tried to get this one single post right. This is my 6th attempt at it and I'm going to make sure it's the last one too. What I want to say it's that difficult but since it's never happened with me it isn't that easy to put into words.

You know how social media is often used to display relationships between people. Well, what I noticed was that in case these two people end off on a bad note or sometimes maybe even on good terms, they erase all the memories that they had put out for the world to see. 

I know it's about personal choice and all that but how can you not cherish those memories anymore? I feel as though half the time removing the pictures and statues and what not associated with that person is in fact a way to let the world know. Putting pictures is declaring love and removing them is the final verdict. I can't write this very clearly because thankfully I haven't reached such a stage but I don't think I'd ever let go off all those memories. Something's end and we need to accept that. We don't need to use social media to get over something, in fact why do we even need to get over it? Why can't it just be a part of our life? Not a part that we are out to erase, not a part that we regret. Just a part that we cherished. A part of our life that has helped us in some way or another to be the person that we are, had given us memories worth more than just those pictures we set out to delete.

No one said life would always be good memories and nothing else. No one also said that you can't make your life go your way. Always remember that your life is that one place where you run everything, you decide who stays and who doesn't. You decide how and you feel and why you do. Life is the one happy place that you want it to be. And if it isn't so then make it, feel free to experiment, explore and most importantly, don't forget to make a few mistakes. 

Every memory is worth remembering. Be it good or bad. It was a part of your life and no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to erase it. Yes, you might be able to push it to the back of your mind but you'll never be completely rid of it. It will forever be a part of your life. 

Keep the memories, they'll make great stories.