Still stuck at the first word.

I've always been the shy girl who talks only when spoken to, until and unless I've known you a few years, then I might open up. Since I was in a boarding school I didn't have a choice and had to get out of my shell. When I graduated from school I decided that things would be different, that I wouldn't be shy anymore, that I would be the one to start a conversation rather than be a mere onlooker. 

So college began and well, nothing changed. I still talk only when talked to and I prefer to be unseen if I  can help it. It’s not like I didn't try, I did but you know how you suddenly bring about a change and people either accept it or they notice it in a way that makes you feel conscious. I don't understand why? Don't they talk? Don't they try to put forth their ideas? It isn't fair that they say what they want and are appreciated for it while we, the shy ones, need to be the deal with people staring and wondering how we managed to open our mouth in the first place.

I don’t know if anyone else feels like this, and I know nothing I'm saying is giving them the courage to speak out. But, I'm really curious as to why people will be behind our lives to speak out and then when we finally do, they behave as though world peace has been declared. Ninety percent of the reason that I'm still shy is that honestly, I don't want to be noticed and when I realise that generally taking won’t get me that noticed and I start opening up people behave as though I'm something more than human who just learnt the English language. I didn’t just learn it, I've known it since long. I might have ideas, I might not. But, I don't know when we’ll ever know for sure. I don't know when they will appreciate our ideas more than the fact that we started talking. I’m 19 years old and I think my first words were clapped at a long time ago. I don't need that, I need someone to think about what I said, not that I said something.I’m not blaming this on people, I don't mean to say that they are the reason that I'm still that shy girl. But it wouldn't hurt if I got a little encouragement, it really wouldn’t.