Let it go

They say you should wait and that if things aren't okay, it's not the end. But how on earth does one know when it is okay? Maybe the situation we are in, be it good or bad, is how our life is meant to be. What if that's our okay. There are a few things in the world that don't get fixed and that's for the right reasons. Because something needs to break for it to be fixed and it could be a person, you or me, who will break and its our choice as to whether we want to be fixed and nobody can fix us. They say that the people we love can fix us but what if they're the ones breaking us? Who fixes us then? We do and no one owes it to anyone to fix another person. You might be the reason that they're broken and human instinct will make you try to fix them once and if that doesn't work, it's not your job. It's no ones. It's their job to pick up the broken pieces and put them back because they know themselves the best. Nobody stands for anybody in the end. We are all like the stars in the sky, everyone sees us together and they think we're alike but we aren't and we never will be. We will always be different people who will break one another for our gains and there will be a point when all those broken pieces might fly back and hurt us. You can't shield them. And that's alright. Break and be fixed because flaws are the true essence of perfection. 

Also, forgive yourself for breaking someone because somewhere down the line they too will forgive you and until then you don't need to live in its guilt. True you made a mistake, it may even be a huge mistake, but if you've tried to fix it and it hasn't worked then it's not your duty. There is a level to which a person can feel pain and after that their wounds automatically start to heal. Time DOES heal all wounds and it always will. Maybe that's what we need to give each other, time. And sometimes to not try anymore is not giving up, it's just letting go because that's the right thing to do. So, take that chance and just let it go. And accept the idea that this is your okay, that this is the best it's going to get and that probably this is how it's going to be till the end. 

Worth the wait

I want to take all that is left and run. Run from everything that is bothering me, everything that I'm not ready for, just everything. I know I can't do that but really that's all I want. It's what I need to do, what I should do but definitely not what I want to do. I'm not confused I'm just holding on to something that probably isn't there. But I will keep doing so because it makes a few things easier. It's true that it makes a lot of days and nights harder but it's good to believe that something was real. I know that it's almost like living a lie but its so darn easy. We all lie to ourselves because the truth is always so hard. It kills so much to know what really is out there.
There have been so many days when all I've wanted to do is just forget that any of the bad stuff happened and some days I just wish none of it happened (good included). One way makes me ignore the past and one makes me overlook the present, but not to the future, it makes me go back to the past. The past where things were actually better and not because I was trying to convince myself that it was easier but because they really were good times. So, maybe for all it was worth, or maybe it still is, I'm going to try to forget any of it ever happened. Not because I should but because I want to. I won't lie, I'm scared as hell to see it all go but sometimes it's really hard to hold on.
I wrote all of the above before things started getting better. Maybe sometimes all you have to do is let go. Better things are always out there and they will wait. Maybe even something that you let go off years ago comes back. I guess it all comes down to believing that things get better. In fact, half the times that we go on and on about how bad things are, they aren't really that bad. Let time pass and everything will make complete sense. Why somethings work out and why the other things don't. It's not because any of it was wrong, everything makes you the person that you are. It just wasn't meant to last any longer and that's okay because things just got better. And maybe they'll get a little off track again but eventually, in the end, everything will be worth it.
I'm not sure even now as to what it is that I want but I guess sometimes it's okay to not know.