Tuesday 17 March 2015

Worth the wait

I want to take all that is left and run. Run from everything that is bothering me, everything that I'm not ready for, just everything. I know I can't do that but really that's all I want. It's what I need to do, what I should do but definitely not what I want to do. I'm not confused I'm just holding on to something that probably isn't there. But I will keep doing so because it makes a few things easier. It's true that it makes a lot of days and nights harder but it's good to believe that something was real. I know that it's almost like living a lie but its so darn easy. We all lie to ourselves because the truth is always so hard. It kills so much to know what really is out there.
There have been so many days when all I've wanted to do is just forget that any of the bad stuff happened and some days I just wish none of it happened (good included). One way makes me ignore the past and one makes me overlook the present, but not to the future, it makes me go back to the past. The past where things were actually better and not because I was trying to convince myself that it was easier but because they really were good times. So, maybe for all it was worth, or maybe it still is, I'm going to try to forget any of it ever happened. Not because I should but because I want to. I won't lie, I'm scared as hell to see it all go but sometimes it's really hard to hold on.
I wrote all of the above before things started getting better. Maybe sometimes all you have to do is let go. Better things are always out there and they will wait. Maybe even something that you let go off years ago comes back. I guess it all comes down to believing that things get better. In fact, half the times that we go on and on about how bad things are, they aren't really that bad. Let time pass and everything will make complete sense. Why somethings work out and why the other things don't. It's not because any of it was wrong, everything makes you the person that you are. It just wasn't meant to last any longer and that's okay because things just got better. And maybe they'll get a little off track again but eventually, in the end, everything will be worth it.
I'm not sure even now as to what it is that I want but I guess sometimes it's okay to not know. 

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